15 Nights Before Christmas

‘Twas 15 nights before Christmas, when all through the orchard

“snow might fall from the sky,” was the rumor most heard;

“It’s not going to happen as long as I’m there”

Said the party-pooper brainiac without any hair.

The customers all left with knowledge in their heads

While visions of dock icons danced in their heads

And Jaqui with her webmail and I with my bubble wrap

Had just settled down for a quick breaktime nap.

When at the back door there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter

Away to the back door I flew like a flash

Mama D tore open the shutters and threw up the sash

The students were back for their bushel of apples

and I yelled something you’d never say sitting in chapel

“Holy shit,” I said loudly with my eyes all aglow

“What the eff is this crap, is this actually snow?”

The little old driver, so lively and quick

Drove off with their fruit and I ran in real quick

More rapid than eagles my coworkers they came

they said, “Is that dandruff on your shoulder or are you insane?”

“Now Jaqui! Now, Diana! Now Adam and Hector!

I have no scalp condition, get me a lie detector!

I’m out of this place! My children, I must call!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

You know what they say about years hurricanes hit

Who knew you could really believe in that shit?

So out to the parking lot so fast I flew

With my laptop and keys and my iPhone, too.

As I reached the mall exit, that’s when I knew

Emo kids were all jumping around and yelling, “WOO HOO!!”

As I pulled out my iPhone and drew a face on my car

I realized that this was really quite bizarre

I opened the door and jumped in the front seat

I pulled out my phone and posted a tweet!

I backed out of the lot and called the old man

to ask if the snowing at home had began

He did not believe me, I said, “check your twitter”

He said I was crazy. I think he was bitter.

I drove home on the freeway, 10 car lengths behind that Lexus

You know, people can’t drive in snow down in Texas.

Some snow stayed on my car throughout that long trip

So I showed it to Johnny and called him a dip.

The kids jumped for joy, as jolly as elves

And they all wondered if they’d get to see it themselves.

We waited for hours, bedtime drew near

When was the snow going to make it down here?

I spoke not a word while the kids went berserk

and finally at 9, we got quite a perk!

Look mom, here it is! It’s not rain, yes I mean it.

Come out and take a picture of me trying to eat it!

I threw on my slippers and because I’m a giver

I took lots of pictures all in between shivers.

Snow was falling from the sky, it was quite a little flurry

And I was so flippin cold all my pictures were blurry!

Daddy came out and griped, “you will all end up sick!”

I said, “come on now Johnny, quit being a dick.”

The kids settled in for a long winter’s nap

But they wanted snow, not that bedtime crap!

We said it would be there tomorrow if it snowed in the night

Now go to bed before you get grounded, all right?

While visions of iPods danced in their heads,

I tricked silly Johnny and jumped out of bed.

Away to the front yard I flew like a flash

Grabbed my camera and PJs and looked like white trash

Down the sidewalk, snap snap!

to the street, snap snap snap!

Brought my camera to Johnny and said “Look at this crap!”

He finally believed me, but looked at me funny

and asked, “did you check on the kids or were you lying to me, honey?”

Lying’s such a harsh word, I was simply distracted.

I saw lots of white stuff and over reacted.

I heard him exclaim as I uploaded photos to my site,

“Merry Christmas, Shana Rae! Tell your bitches good night!”

I-yI-yI

I am:

a Trainer

I think:

that I was drunk when I took this picture

I have:

cheap sunglasses

I dislike:

The bitch driving this white truck

I miss:

My favorite uncle

I fear:

Public speaking!

I feel:

Lucky

I hear:

iTunes

I smell:

Sex and candy :o)

I crave:

some yummy ribs

I cry:

Happy, blue tears

I usually:

Drive people around

I search:

iGoogle

I wonder:

About the sanity of my children

I regret:

Ever calling Comcast

I wish:

my friends could stop fighting

I love:

My 3 stooges

I care:

about my grandma

I always:

find random pictures of shoes when I give Courtney the camera to play with

I worry:

about when she starts driving

I am not:

welcome in the "man cave"

I remember:

How much I loved this trip

I believe:

that I can use some more junk in my trunk

I sing:

when I drive

I don’t always:

I write:

In my blog

I win:

these headphones

I lose:

papers

I listen:

to audiobooks on my phone

I don’t understand:

hypocrites

I can usually be found:

with my nose in my macbook pro

I need:

My kids

I forget:

Numbers!!

I am happy:

that I finally finished this post!

YES WE DID!!

What an amazing night! Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States! I have a renewed faith in this country that I haven’t felt in a very long time.

President Obama.

Wow.

That’s all I can say right now. I’ve never felt this emotional about an election.

Magnifique!

Courtney’s little masterpieces all over the driveway:

I pledge allegiance…

To the flag
Of the United Steaks Of America.

-Courtney

I’d like to thank the Academy

My friend Erin gave me this bitchin award! It’s especially amazing because they spelled it with a K. K means Kwality in my book!

The blog award rules:
1. List 6 things about yourself and
2. Pass this award on to 6 other bloggers

Okay, so 6 nice and random things about me:
1. My first job when I was 15 was at D’s Kuntry Chicken and Katfish. After that, I worked at K-Mart. (Told you K’s were wonderful)

2. I am a total Apple geek. Anything Apple - I’m all over that.

3. I am agnostic. I just cannot wrap my head around the idea that there is just one religion and everyone who doesn’t believe in it will go to hell.

4. I sing like super-diva in the car on my way to work in the morning.

5. I play with my eyebrows when I’m nervous or concentrating too hard.

6. The thing I miss most about our old house - I left my Virgin Mary toast maker over there. :o(

So I guess I have to give this to someone now… since I know the same bloggers as Erin, some of these will be a repeat, but that’s how I roll, bitches!

1. Amanda

2. Laura

3. Dee

4. Cam

5. Angie

6. last, but not least, Emily, my BFF

What I would like to know is…

What kind of insanity is going to happen inside of this tuna can on the night of June 7, 2012? I’m almost tempted to save it and open it on the 8th just to see what happened.

Excitement.

On my last weekday off, I was in an accident on my way to pick up Courtney from preschool. Usually Johnny or my dad pick her up.

Today I’m off again and going to pick her up. I was about 10 minutes early, so I sat in the car playing on my phone. She goes to a church school, so I was sitting in the church parking lot. A Bible Study group let out right in front of where I was parked. I don’t think any of them were under 65 yrs old.

This one man, about 300 lbs, stepped down onto the rocks and FELL right in front of my car!! He tried to get up, but he couldn’t muster up the strength or the breath to push himself up to his feet from the rocks that he was sitting on. All of the old ladies were doing this and 2 of the older men tried to pull him up but he fell back down.

I opened up my driver’s door, pushed my way through the old ladies and said, “Outta my way!!”

I’m just kidding, but they WERE blocking my door. I really said, “excuse me”

I borrowed one of the old lady’s walkers and she leaned up against my car while we used it to help the guy up. We set it in front of him and me and one of the men pushed down on it so that it wouldn’t move, and the other man took the rear end. He was able to get back on his feet after 3 tries. I was wearing the worst shirt for this job… I’m sure I flashed all of the old ladies as I was leaning over and when the man finally got up, he looked down… then up… and said thank you.

I’m telling Johnny that he needs to pick up Courtney from now on. That’s WAAAAY too much excitement for me! Although, I am a little proud that we actually figured out a way to get him up. He walked away and seemed OK.

Sleep is for losers.

“Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it’s funny how sleep comes all on it’s own.” -David Sedaris

Around 11 p.m. every night, I am exhausted. Ever since we moved though, I have had an amazing case of the jumpy legs. My body wants to sleep, but my legs want to jump up and run a marathon. A more comfy mattress didn’t help. Exercising doesn’t help, neither does NOT exercising (my personal favorite); nor does eating bananas or taking potassium and/or iron. And sleeping pills? That makes it about a million times worse. I’m just sleepier and grouchier when my legs wake me up and I do my little bouncy dance around the living room.

Is that the weirdest problem ever? I mean seriously? If someone told me that shit, I’d laugh in their face.

The prescription medicine sounds really nice. I may have some undisclosed sexual side effects (I wonder if they’re good?), hallucinations, and an unusual urge to compulsively gamble! Best side effects EVAH.

Off to do the cha-cha…

Things that make you go hmmmm

When the ass end of your car is all jacked up, people don’t tailgate you much. They will also cross to the other side when you’re backing out of a parking space instead of walking right behind your car and making you wait.

This is nice. I might just smash up the front, too!

Back off, biatch

I has the interwebs!!

FINALLY!!! 2 1/2 weeks after the storm!!! Now you’re gonna get tired of hearing from me. LOL

I heard from Progressive lately and the woman who hit me won’t answer calls from her insurance company. The truck she was driving was not on her policy. OF COURSE! UGH

But hey, did I mention… I HAVE THE INTERNET NOW??? Woo hoo!! I am so happy. I have to leave for work in 5 minutes though. Boo!! LOL

Driving and Miss Courtney

Driving.

OK, all of you in Galveston County… let’s go over what a blinking or non-working traffic light means. It’s like 4 way stop. You have to stop and yield to people. You can’t just barrel through the intersection without stopping and sideswipe people, or half ass stop and go right away, or run it, or think that because the person in front of you scoots up that she’s going all the way through the light like it was green. I could go on about this all day. Apparently people have forgotten how to drive in the last 2 weeks. I HATE being on the road. My road rage is almost surpassing my Comcast rage!

OK, calm down….

Miss Courtney.

This morning, she huffed and puffed out of her room, stopped in front of me with one hand perched on her hip and announced to me that Nikki told her to be quiet in their room. I said, “OK, so then be quiet.” To which she replied, very matter-of-factly while throwing the hips to the other side, “Nikki is NOT the boss of me. I am my OWN boss!” Holy cow! That was the funniest thing I’ve heard in ages and I bursted into a fit of laughter (which Courtney scolded me for - she was being serious, not funny). In hindsight though… Oh dear me, I’m in so much trouble with this one.

She is only like that at home so far, and not at school (her church school) thank goodness. I always joke with Nikki that if she goes to school and says something inappropriate to her teacher that NIKKI will be grounded, because NIKKI thinks it’s funny to teach her little sister to say naughty things. Of course, I do not laugh and encourage that behavior when it happens. That would be irresponsible. Um, yeah… irresponsible… Who would do such a thing?

Anyway at school, THANK GOODNESS she is quiet. All morning. Abnormally quiet. She’s happy go lucky all the way to the door of the school and once we walk in, that deer in the headlights stare is in full effect. I don’t think she turns her head all morning. She just looks straight ahead and if she has to turn her head, her whole body turns along with it. She does the same thing when she gets her hair cut. It’s like a state of suspended animation, and as soon as the haircut is over or school is out, she’s crazy Courtney again. She loves school and she tells me all kinds of things about it. She tells me that she goes on nature walks that involve lots of walking but not much nature, that she does crafts, that she makes friends with girls who she can’t remember the names of and describes them by hair and shirt color, etc. These friends must communicate with her telepathically though, because I promise she does not talk! Thank goodness, because with the coaching she’s received from her big sister, the teacher would tell her to write her name on her paper and she’d scream, “Yaah trick, YAAAAAH!”

My kids are amazing and definitely not always naughty. So I’ll throw in a little proof of that. Nikki made all A’s and 1 B on her report card, even though she’s in AP classes and her schedule was changed 3 times in 6 weeks. Courtney is learning to write and recognize letters and learn phonics like a pro. I’m positive that Kristen is doing well in school, in her GT classes and in student council, and she made me a gourmet dinner of Ramen noodles tonight. She added her special spices and even garnished it with some ghetto parsley (a torn off piece of lettuce). She’s going to be cooking on the Food channel one day if she’s not a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon.

Well crud, I just can’t stop with the blogging tonight. Here’s another funny from yesterday that I just though of. Kristen fell off of her skateboard for the hundred-millionth time and got a tiny scrape on her knee that was bleeding just a little bit. Since Courtney had already used all of the band-aids on random mosquito bites and freckles that looked suspiciously like boo-boos, all we had to cover it with was gauze and some medical tape. She doctored it up herself and I didn’t think anything of it. That is, until she was sitting on the couch messing with it and my grandma walked by, looked, stopped and gasped loudly. I looked over at Kristen’s knee and there was a big red spot on the outside of the gauze. I huge feeling of guilt washed over me because I told her that it was just a little scrape and had her just go wash it up and put something over it. I didn’t even get out of my chair. Obviously it was more than that… it was bleeding all the way through the gauze! Nana bent down to look at it and said, “Kristen! What happened?” I started to get up out of my chair and walk over when she got a really guilty look on her face. She admitted, “Oh it’s OK Nana, I was just drawing on the bandage.” The little turkey got a red marker and drew blood on the outside of the gauze and scared the crap out of us. She tried to tell me that she was just decorating it and making it “Polka dotted,” but polka dotted would imply more than one big bloody looking spot! I got a good laugh out of that one too.

My kids are the best!

(No offense to any of you who may have your own children whom you may have mistakenly thought were the best.)

My hooptie

I’ve got me a Chrysler, it’s as big as a whale, and it’s about to… HOLY $#*%!

You know how I blogged about the traffic lights not working the other day? Yeah, well somebody wasn’t paying attention at one today and smashed into me.

crap

I was about 3 cars back in line at a blinking traffic light. We were stopped and the first person in line went, so I scooted up a bit and started to stop. That’s when a woman in an SUV barreled into me. Apparently she was talking on the phone and instead of looking at the light she assumed that we were just stopped at a regular light rather than a blinking one. She just kept on truckin after we all stopped.

It scared the crap out of me and I couldn’t really think straight for a while after it happened. Thankfully, I was by myself. I was actually on my way to pick up Courtney from school. The police came VERY quickly. I think he was just driving by because I’d just hung up the phone when he pulled up. He collected all of the information from her and wrote her 2 tickets. She had an expired license and claimed that she had insurance with State Farm, but couldn’t produce an insurance card. I called State Farm and it sounded like maybe she’s covered, maybe not. I’m afraid that she has insurance, but that the truck she was in is not on her policy. That’s kind of what they made it sound like without really saying it. I’ll find out for sure on Monday. My insurance, Progressive, was extremely helpful. It’s the first time I’ve had to use them and I would recommend them for sure. They set me up to have it fixed tomorrow, but I’d rather wait until Monday to see exactly where I stand with her insurance before I pay anything out of my pocket.

My everything is sore. Yes, my everything. My wrist mostly. I’m hoping it will just go away. It doesn’t hurt bad enough right now to go to the doctor.

The good news? When she hit me, everything flew around the car and I found my flash drive that I’ve been looking for all week! Woo hoo!

I’ve been on the phone all day with insurance and phone / internet / cable companies. Comcast sent me a bill for $671 and that was the last straw. I almost crapped my pants when I saw it. $671 for 2 weeks of service and royally screwing up an installation and never completely fixing it. I refuse to pay them and I am tired of fighting with them about everything. I will have to pay someone else to fix their mistakes. It would probably take an Oprah intervention to get my bill back to what it’s supposed to be. I have to wait for 2 weeks before they can install my satellite stuff, so I’m holding off on my huge internet bitch fit about it until then so I can sacrifice the dozen channels that I do have, and the chance that the internet and phone just MIGHT come on in the meantime. I promised that if they gave me BS last time I spoke with them that I’d unplug all of the boxes and throw them in the street. Stay tuned for pictures of that.

Anywhooooo (I stole that phrase from my BFF). Anywhoooooo…. we’re going to get our regular phone line back from AT&T and then get Directv and satellite internet. We can’t get DSL and I can’t get a decent cell phone connection here, either. You’d think we were out in the middle of the damn wilderness.

Our next door neighbor passed away last night. :o( He had liver cancer. They stayed here during the hurricane and the power outage because they couldn’t evacuate him in his condition. It makes me want to go bitch slap stupid bloggers who think they know about that shit. Those were his last days at his home. The power came back on the day after the ambulance took him to the hospital.

So it wasn’t the best day at our house. It hasn’t been the best month to tell you the truth. I KNEW that when I got that chain email last month that I should have forwarded it to 10 more people…

EFF!

Depressing.

Gah. What a depressing day.

This was the first official day that Galveston was letting residents back onto the island to see their homes. I spent over an hour sitting with a man who just found out that his home was a total loss. His home was beautiful and it was obvious that he is well off. When he told me how helpless he felt about being essentially homeless without any solution in the forseeable future, it made me feel bad for him and horrible for those who don’t have the resources that he does. It was tough.

I was excited that comcast put my cable back on the pole, but disappointed once again that it only kind of works, that the internet and phone don’t work at all, and I got fed more BS about the why’s and when’s of it all. If they’d just tell me that I’ll be waiting another week, I’d be cool with that. It’s the lying that is making me crazy! Triple play = triple fucked. I need to find another company for my internet but it’s a weird area that nobody will service.

Other than driving my kids around, that was my whole day. Tomorrow has to be better.

Huh? Wha? Oh a blog entry.

I wasn’t going to write tonight, but my google reader on my phone just crashed for the third time tonight. I took that as my sign to stop reading and go to bed. Only I fell asleep at 6 out of pure exhaustion so I’m wide awake at midnight. This should feel real nice in the morning.

We have power now, thank goodness. The kids went back to school and things are starting to get back to normal. It’s definitely not the case for everyone. It’s 11 days after the hurricane and people are still without power. As I drive out of my neighborhood, I pass up 3 homemade signs with the words, “we need power” spray painted on plywood. They may or may not have it on this week. It’s not a big deal to lose your power for a few hours, or even for a day, but it is nearly impossible to live like that for an extended period of time. Especially in Texas heat, especially with children, and especially when everyone else is getting on with their lives and have progressed to bitching about having no cable.

That’s my main job these days. When we moved over here, it took about a month and dozens of calls and emails to get my service installed and they still haven’t corrected some of the mistakes they made in their botched installation. I had cable for a couple of weeks and then the storm hit. Imagine my horror when we got home and found that the cable had fallen from the pole and into the street. It was not so much the horror of not having tv, Internet or phone, but the horror of having to deal with comcast again. I don’t want to give details because thinking about it starts a fire in my gut, but let’s just say that the line of BS I was given today involved my cable magically reattaching itself to the pole while I sit and wait and continue to pay for having no service. I called no less than 6 times to inform them of the line on the ground, and this woman cancelled my service call and assured me that it would be on after my neighborhood “node” was fixed. There was no need to come to my house. (That’s where the comcast magic comes in, folks. You just have to believe!!)

Ugh! That doesnt even scratch the surface of the BS they’ve told me this week. They make me crazy! So onto better things…

Kristen was so excited this afternoon. She made student council!! She actually tied with another girl so they have to take another vote to decide who will be the alternate. But she was on cloud 9!

Courtney was being a big ol silly butt all afternoon. This will probably be one of those things that you have to see to appreciate, but I’ll tell you anyway, mostly because it makes me giggle. We were watching our kick ass tv with the rabbit ear antennas and an iPhone commercial came on. It shows this neat application that finds restaurants near you and says, “this will change everything.” courtney was playing with dolls and not even watching the commercial, yet she chimed in and says matter-of-factly, “oh yeah? Well can it change your
SCHOOL?” hmmmm I’ll have to ask a genius about that one!

Nikki and her friend katie spent the evening making crazy shirts to wear to school tomorrow that wish their friend Miranda a happy birthday. There’s also a giant card for her. I think the goal was to embarrass Miranda, but that plan might just backfire on them. LOL

Yes I know I switched from past to present tense in every other sentence, but I’m not editing. Down with grammar! Down with this blog entry! Down with my head… It’s time for bed!

To think that I saw it on Mulberry Street

Is that the name of that Dr Seuss book where the kid makes up all kinds of crazy things that happened on his walk home? That’s how I felt this morning as I was trying to get to work. I was running late and I just texted, “stuck in traffic,” to my boss because she would have never believed my crazy story.

This was the first day back to work for a lot of people, plus only half of the traffic lights work, so traffic was going to be bad. I left an hour early for that reason.

At first it was ok. It was slow getting out of town, then there were police everywhere, so I had to take it slow. No biggie. I was taking in the sights of disaster relief everywhere which still seem a little surreal.

I got on the freeway with plenty of time to kill, driving north towards Houston, and I saw the longest caravan of 18 wheelers going to Galveston! There must have been 50 of them with a police escort. I reached over to grab my phone to take a picture and DOH! I realized that I’d left it at home. I was already halfway to work, but I thought I’d have plenty of time to turn around and get it.

I turned around on the freeway and almost immediately get stuck in the traffic from the Galveston caravan and the congestion from people trying to get on the island. Hmm maybe this was a bad idea.

I got off of the freeway and got stuck behind a national guard Humvee and some moron who drove right beside it for 5 miles.

I finally passed him and I was back in the place with the police. Could I claim that I didn’t see the speed limit because the sign was blown down? Naah, better slow down.

Blinking red lights, intersections with no power, the ones that work that people stop for anyway, because they’re not paying attention… It’s getting later and later!

Finally, I made it home. I turned the corner on my street and down at the end where my house is, the biggest monster of a garbage truck is turning the corner! It hardly makes the turn because it’s so big! It was one big truck towing another huge trailer that made it as big as 2 garbage trucks. It had a crane with a claw that grabbed brush from the side of the road and hauled it off. Anyway, after seeing that monster, I quickly turned down an alley to go the back way to my house. I’m hauling ass around the corner, and whadda ya know… there’s a guy on a flippin bobcat thingey clearing shit out of the street, totally blocking it from that direction. AAAAHHH!! He saw me and moved out of the way (at a snail’s pace), and FINALLY I make it to my driveway.

I ran inside, grabbed my phone, got back in the car, and now somebody’s blocking me in the driveway because they’re stuck behind that monster garbage truck.

Breathe, Shana. Breathe….

So finally he moved, I rushed back through the red lights, police are still pulling people over, oh wow… the Hobby Lobby parking lot with 100 million bucket trucks is clearing out. Nice.

At one intersection, the woman in front of me went from 30 mph to zero and stopped in the middle of an intersection with a green light for no apparent reason. I didn’t hit her, but my laptop went airborne and I cried at the thought of what might have just happened to it. I’m glad I broke down and bought the padded case for it a couple of weeks ago. It was fine.

After that, Johnny called to tell me that there was a huge accident on the freeway at the intersection right before the mall. So instead of freaking out one last time I thought, “there’s my excuse. That’s easier to explain than all of this nonsense.” and I text, “stuck in traffic” to my boss. I was 10 minutes late.

50 18 wheelers, National guard trucks, 100 bucket trucks, monster garbage collectors, bobcats on the street, intersections out of order, pileups on the freeway, maniac women at stoplights…

And to think that I saw it on I-45.

Good day

Today our store opened back up and I went to work. I really love working there and it was nice to see everyone again (even little Jewel, even though she wouldn’t get out of my face! ha ha). I’m not supposed to blog about work, so I’ll stop… after I say again that I couldn’t dream of working for a better company or a more genuine group of co-workers.

So Shana’s bitchy meter is back down to around 1 1/2. I read Emily’s blog this morning. One word came to mind.

It’s a good day. I’m still staying at my mom’s house because the power is still out at home, but somehow it seems better than yesterday.

Oh, for those of you who know Julie… she has power today!! I was happy to hear that.

Beating a dead horse

Oh Emily, you never cease to make me giggle. Thanks for beating a dead horse and posting those articles about why people evacuate or do not. Did you actually read them? Maybe you should, because they pretty much echo what I’ve said about this subject in 2 posts directed to you this week. Maybe you should start quoting my blog entries to educate your “minions.” I’m not going to go into it again with you, but I am stunned how you find it entertaining to pick on people in a crisis.

I think I’m just going to pack up and move to our 51st state in this lovely land of ours so that I don’t have to worry about pleasing you with my travel decisions during future storms. I don’t think they get hurricanes there, do they? Please, let me know where this 51st state is that you speak of in your blog. I looked on google maps, but I could not find it. Do they have electricity there? I’d love to have me some of that right now!

Most boring day evah!

Today will go down in the annuals of Shana history as the most boring day evah. Evaaaaahhhhhh (say it while shaking your face back and forth really fast).

We still have no electricity. My online entertainment ended abruptly around 10 a.m. when AT&T decided that I’d had enough fun for the day.

So I sat around watching courtneys Kung fu and ballet extravaganza, washed the car with the kids, sat on a chair outside, drove to get food, called random utility companies to let them know I’m alive, sat around some more, then escaped to my moms for a taste of civilization.

While I was there, my boss called and told me the same news he’d been texting me all week. Nothing seems to change. I went home around 6 to find the generator completely out of gas. I filled it up and couldn’t start it, so I waited on my trusty lawn chair for my hero to arrive from work and start it back up.

And then… Just as i thought the day was a bust… I spied a giant maroon van in the distance… Could it be? It got closer and the driver is singing the Sanford and son theme… Yes it was… It was my long lost friend Cheryl!!!

We talked for a couple of hours and it totally made my day. She has the opposite problem as me… she HAS electricity and cant get it turned off! A tree fell on her line and ripped the box and meter off of the side of the house. She calls the light company begging them to turn it off before they burn her house down and they tell her that they have more important problems to deal with.

Anyway, even though we both had lots to bitch about, it seems much more bearable now, somehow. I really needed that. Thank you Cheryl, you saved the day!

Promptly at 12:05 a.m. we had to wake up and fire up ‘ol betsy again. I can’t go back to sleep. Tomorrow should be amazing. Feel the sarcasm.

Weird things I’ve done today

We’re still pretending like we’re on an extended camping trip in one big ass brick tent. It seems like something strange happens about once every hour or so.

I woke up and thought, who’s mowing our back porch? Oh, thats the generator. Then I got a little more pissed than yesterday about the other side of the street having power when we don’t.

I checked the carbon monoxide detector for the hundredth time… Just to make sure.

I got a little tingle when I realized that I can get online on my iPhone today. 1 1/2 bars is slower than dialup, but it’s better than nothing.

I told my boss that I couldn’t work in Houston because there’s no way I could find gas to drive that far every day.

I put the toaster on the floor to make toast because the extension cord doesn’t reach to the counter.

I called the power company and they won’t talk to me unless there’s a fire. Then I considered setting a fire.

I sat on the porch and put on a little makeup.

I coughed up god knows what out of my lungs, but it made me feel better.

Took some excedrin even though I don’t need it yet. I can’t chance a migraine because I have no way to get my prescription called in.

Got a little more pissed when I heard that FEMA doesn’t think a house is unliveable if you have no power (so they don’t have to compensate us for living expenses occuring because of that). If we were living like this at any other time, CPS would come take my children. So why is it ok now?

What can I do today? Clean stuff or wait in line for stuff? Hmmmm

It’s only 10 a.m.

Anyone know where I can buy some liquor?

Randomness in the dark

It’s not too bad without power. The weather is unbelievably nice tonight. It leaves me with lots of time to think about the random things. Like…

I have a cold. My chest is congested and my nose is running.

Dayquil… I think we can power the generator with that stuff. It sure tastes flammable.

Funny how the other side of the street has lights and how the guy who works for the light company lives on that side, too.

My cable that I fought so hard to get a couple of weeks ago is laying out in the street. I ran over it with the car. Maybe this is a sign to just get DSL.

I can’t wait to go back to work, but it would cost too much to drive to another store. Ours is still closed.

Nikki has a friend over and they are taking pictures on the laptop… Turning the fan on their heads, wearing bras on the outside…

The kids are out if school all week.

The line for FEMA food was blocks and blocks. I’m glad we have lots of food already. Ice would be nice, though.

Sonic was f’d up but they served food for a while today! I snapped a picture

Mcdonalds in bacliff opened, but they only served one kind of burger. If you wanted mustard or ketchup you got it in a baggie. LOL

It’s kind of neat to see everyone outside all day. I almost even talked to the neighbors.

I will me surprised if this posts tonight. I have half of a bar.

Please text me. I’m bored silly!

At home for reals :)

I’m stopping at my moms to send some photos to some friends, but we’re staying at home. No power, no internet (even on my phone). I can send text messages so I might twitter that way.

I took some pictures today. Check out my .mac gallery:

http://gallery.mac.com/sbrumlow

Going home… sort of

Tomorrow we’re waking up bright and early to go back home! Good bye, San Antonio! I will NOT miss you, but I will miss all of our savings that we spent while we were there!

We’re not QUITE going home, though… we’ll be staying at my mom’s house, which is in Bacliff, about 10 miles away from our house. Somehow they have electricity, phone, water, sewer… I’m thinking maybe even internet because they have DSL. My brother says that they’re the only ones on the block who have power. Very strange!!

My brother lives in Oyster Creek and his house is a little jacked up, so he’ll be staying with mom until he gets it fixed. Then there’s his girlfriend, Nana, me, my 3 kids, Johnny, my parents… why am I doing this again? Oh yeah, because I can’t live in a hotel hundreds of miles away from home any longer. Unfortunately I am not independently wealthy just yet.

When I talked to Johnny a few hours ago, our house had no utilities to speak of. He’s running the freezer, fridge, a TV, and fan off of our generator. Yesterday there was no place to buy gas. Today something opened, but they were rationing it to $40 per person. So he’ll be there early tomorrow for another $40. I wish we knew how long the power would be out so we’d know if it’s cheaper to throw out all of the food (there’s a lot of it), or keep running that damn thing. Krogers had signs of life, but it wasn’t open today. They passed out water and ice at one time, but it went quick. So did the food that was shipped in.

I don’t think it will be too bad just being down the road. My car is packed with groceries and supplies. We should be able to make due with that until everything opens back up again. I just want to be home.

Here’s the Ike ‘o the day message from the city:

This is Texas City Emergency Management. We continue to show improvement with the water supply problem and anticipate to be up to 100 percent on the system by daybreak tomorrow. You should continue to conserve water overall and boil all drinking water.

Only a partial shipment of food and water was received today and was gone before we could use this system to notify you.

More is coming and we will have enough for everyone who needs these items shortly.
Stores are opening and food and other items are available in some places. Gas stations are opening up and some fast food places are open.

Texas-New Mexico is continuing to make progress on restoring electricity but several days or weeks are still a reasonable estimate until all are restored

We encourage you to be safe and to realize that a large amount of work is going into restoring all our lives to normal.

I should be able to keep updating, even if it is just from my phone. (That’s because my phone rocks.. yes indeed it does)

Hurricane Ike

Look, another blog entry! 2 in one week! How amazing is that? LOL

I’m sitting here in a hotel room in San Antonio. It’s 5 a.m. and I’m awake because Johnny called me at 3 a.m. to tell me that he made it home. I twittered at 3 and I hope nobody had device updates turned on. If so, sorry, and here’s another text message for ya! LOL

Johnny says that the house looks OK in the darkness, but we have no power, we have to boil the water, and nothing is open. The only places that he saw on his way home with electricity were a Target in Dickinson and our old neighborhood that we just moved out of. DOH! I just read that the TC hospital is closed because they don’t have water, either. I’m not bringing the girl’s home in that mess.

I can’t go back to sleep. I’m going to regret this in a few hours. I really do not like being in San Antonio, but it’s clearly better than being at home right now. We’re trying to make the best of it and we’re turning it into a mini-vacation. We’re going to check out the mall tomorrow and visit the local Apple stores. Maybe people are nice there. They’re surely not nice anywhere else in this damn town.

I forgot to bring the real camera, but I’ve been taking pictures on the phone and posting to my .Mac account if you’re interested. We’ve been having fun at the Riverwalk, Alamo, pool, restaurants, etc. I just really really really want to go home, though.

I have a collection of blogs that I read in my google reader… I read some because they are written by friends and I read others because… hell, I don’t know why I read some of them. But one in particular really got my blood boiling this morning. She’s “infuriated” becuase people who didn’t evacuate their homes had the NERVE to ask to be rescued. Wow. I shouldn’t let that get me so angry, but honestly, she obviously has NO idea. Apparently she did not sit in a car for 24 hours in September 3 years prior, evacuating from “a category 5 storm that was coming to destroy Galveston,” but barely left a mark on the city. The evacuation did kill 150 people and left many thousands miserable and broke! That makes you a little hesitant to evacuate for the next “big” storm. Or wait, maybe she kind of missed out on the fact that 2 days before the storm, the mayor of Galveston was telling everyone but the west side to “shelter in place.” Or wait… maybe she missed the fact that half of the people affected by the storm were told to STAY HOME!! I got 5 calls from the city’s emergency management the day that I left (the day before the storm) that were telling me to stay home and I live right outside of Galveston, across the street from the Bay! So I guess what I’m saying is, “zip it!” Nobody can tell you with any certainty that a hurricane will destroy your home or if it’s OK to stay in it. Enjoy your home, your electricity, your water, your local grocery store, hospitals, gas stations, your child’s school, the fact that your husband can go to work, the fact that you can even safely be IN your home with your child, the fact that you even HAVE a home… and do not judge those who don’t have any of that right now!

Hmph!

20 Years ago…

I stole this from Laura. She didn’t actually tag me, but it’s fun to pretend. LOL

20 years ago….
1. I was a sophomore in HS, I think
2. I lived in Dickinson, TX
3. I wanted to drive so badly!!

10 years ago….
1. I’d just had my second child
2. I decided that I’d rather do freelance work and be with my babies
3. I told myself that I’d definitely not have any more children!

5 years ago….
1. I was getting ready to give birth to my 3rd child! (so much for that last statement!)
2. Had no idea that my OB-GYN would want to arrange some freelance work while looking up from between my legs and asking about it as I was pushing. (akwaaard) LOL

3. Arranged for the tubal ligation before I left the hospital. :o)

3 years ago….
1. I was evacuating for Hurricane Rita
2. I was on the road with all 3 kids for 24 hours straight
3. I vowed I’d never evacuate again

1 year ago….
1. I was trying to get a job with Apple
2. I was pretty content with life, but working too hard for too little
3. I was about to get a great surprise the next month.

This year so far….
1. I love my job so much I don’t freelance anymore
2. I sent my baby to preschool
3. I moved to a new house, and with my grandma, so she won’t be alone anymore

Yesterday….
1. I went to work
2. I couldn’t stop watching the weather
3. I decided it would be stupid to stay home and risk my babies lives and made reservations to evacuate

Today….
1. I ran from Hurricane Ike
2. I understood completely how someone could commit a crime of passion, and go completely insane in a moments notice, as I stood in the lobby of the La Fucking Quinta and was told I had no reservation
3. I am thankful that my parents were here to save the day, and that Johnny is on his way here and out of harm’s way!

Tomorrow….
1. I’ll watch the weather constantly
2. I might take the kids to see the Alamo
3. I hope none of my friends at home get hurt.

Next year….
1. I will pay the home insurance another year and say fuck it if a storm comes. I’m gone.
2. I will cry when I put my baby on the bus for Kindergarten
3. I will cry when my oldest starts to drive!

I tag….
Whoevah! :o) I don’t think anyone reads anyway! LOL

Work in progress

Next week, we’re getting a little garage thing built in the new backyard and then we begin the official move!!

This weekend, I’m trying to get as much done at the house as possible, because I have some really fun plans with friends next weekend that I don’t want to miss!

So this is going to be my children’s bedroom in a week or two:

Cozy, huh? LOL

All of those cabinets and shelves were full of stuff this morning. Lots of stuff! My parents came over and helped me box it up and move it to the attic and the patio. It’s out of the way and I can go through it after we’re all moved in. Now I can start priming and painting the cabinets and shelves. Then we’re gonna paint the floor with that speckle stuff, close in the other door, put A/C in, make some kind of closet, etc etc etc… It’s gonna be pretty neat when it’s done. We’re going to have no use for our current couches and big screen TV, so we might put it in there. They are going to have the coolest room evah! Check out all of those plugs on the wall. I’m thinking computers & video games all the way down!! The downside is that they’ll all have to share the same room, but I’m trying to make it where they can have their own little spaces in there.

Mom and I also primed the outside wall. I can’t figure out what color to paint it. The original color of the house trim is faded so nothing’s really going to match. I’m going to have to paint it all the way around to make it the same color. I thought about a contrasting color for those walls, but there’s already some contrasting colors in other places and I can’t match that, either! UGH. Oh well. I love to paint. Maybe I can save that project for the fall when it’s cooler.

Before:

After:

We’re gonna get F#%*ed!

…cause there’s a giant TROPICAL PENIS headed right for us!! 

HUNKER DOWN!! (or not  )

Still Alive!

That’s me:

Why are the things that I love so much probably going to be the things that kill me?

Today, I rode the scooter around the ‘hood on the wet streets and later on, I played ball (fastpitch). I’m still here after both of them!! 

I get overheaded and get some serious migraines from playing softball. I love to play, but my body doesn’t love me when I play. I signed up for another season, but told them I’d only be able to play the late games.

Tonight started out pretty good. On my first at bat, I hit it in the grass behind the second baseman, she overthrew it to first, and I ran to second. Double! Woo hoo! I can’t remember how I made it home - seems like I stole third and then went home on a hit. I also think it was the only run we made the entire game. Most of the game is a blur because after all of that base running, the blood left my head, I stopped sweating, and I got a little LOOPY!! 

Next time at bat (2 innings later because we weren’t doing too hot), I was just hoping my legs would take me all the way to first base. I had a serious case of noodle-legs! She pitched one low and waaaay inside and I barely jumped back in time to avoid it. I did the sign of the cross, a couple of hail Marys, got back in the box, and got to walk to first. Hell yeah! It’s still a blur - I think I got to second on a hit, and then tried to steal third after the catcher threw to first to try to pick her off. She got both of us, dammit! I felt like Snoopy when he does that thing where his legs move 90 mph, but he doesn’t go anywhere. 

I played second and nothing exciting happened out there other than me not making it fast enough to catch balls that I should have had. I also kept running behind the base when covering for some reason. I kept doing it even after I said outloud to myself, “in front of the base, stupid!” Ugh!!

I hate Texas heat. I am amazed that I didn’t get a migraine. I took the vicodin anyway, cause it’s just fun. I can kind of feel the throbbing breaking through every few minutes, so I’m glad I took it.

Anyways, I’m trying to ride the scooter every day now. As soon as I get more confident with turning I am going to take the trip all the way to work. I am doing really well, but I’m trying to be smart about this since I do have 3 children to think about. I haven’t been to highway speeds yet, but I’m much less scared of going fast and in a straight line than I am of loosing control in a turn. So more practice until I can do it without the white knuckles!!

I read some advice today that I LOVE:

“Fear of death doesn’t prevent you from dying… it prevents you from living.”

Born to ride…

…or fly. I’m not sure which just yet. I tried one of each the other day. 

Johnny got me a motorcycle while I was working in California last week. We’d been talking about getting one for me so that I could learn to ride, too. I used to go nuts on this little dirt bike that he had when we first got together. I’d ride that thing for hours.

Cheryl got to try it out my new bike when I was still in California. Johnny and Doug (Cheryl’s husband) took it out to the soccer fields by my house. She rode it around for a little while, and then wrecked it into a parking hump. She was trying to stop and she hit the gas instead of the brake, couldn’t make the turn, and it fell on her leg. She got a bruise on her leg and bent something on the handlebar a little. 

My second day back home was my turn!! Same thing as Cheryl - Johnny and I were at the soccer fields by our house and I was going round and round. I got the hang of taking off, stopping, getting into second gear, etc. So Johnny says, “OK, see you at the house, and the shithead starts walking home!!” 

We’re only a couple of blocks from the house and I’m thinking, “I got this.” I waited for the street to clear completely in case I stalled out, drove down the street, turned the corner, and then panicked a little when I realized that I was going to have to drive it into the yard. The driveway was a much sharper turn than I’d taken so far. I make the turn, HORRAY!! I give it a little gas to get up the driveway, got ready to stop, and I did the SAME THING that Cheryl did - I gave it gas when I went to reach for the brake!!!

 Everything is in slow motion at this point. I’m barreling up the driveway, through the yard and either I’m going to hit the brick wall of the house, or I’m gonna hit Johnny’s shiny motorcycle sitting “safely” on the porch. Neither one sound fun. So at the last possible second, I hit the brakes… front and back… HARD!!! I have a full-face helmet, but I had the visor up so that I could hear what Johnny was saying to me. The bike comes to a complete stop, my chin hits the handlebars, the back tire slides sideways in the grass, and I lay the bike down in the yard just a foot away from the brick wall… on my foot!! Just like Cheryl!!! Only I’m thinking that mine was much more dramatic

Johnny came running up the street and got the bike off of me. I thought I’d either knocked out my teeth or broken my leg, but neither one, thank goodness. I just laid down in the middle of the front yard laughing at my stupid self, thankful to be alive. That probably would have hurt pretty badly if I’d have hit the house, and I think Johnny would have murdered me if I would have hit his bike. I’m bruised on my leg, the inside of my lip, my ego, and I got a boo boo on my thumb. I’m not sure when the next riding attempt will be. Johnny doesn’t seem nearly as excited as he was at first. Wonder why? LOL

Come to momma

Behold.

It will be mine today or tomorrow.You may ask yourself, “Why the hell does Shana need another computer?” That’s one of those questions like, “Why is there air?” or “Why is there life?” Well there just is, and Shana just does, OK?

I’ve wanted another laptop since I killed my last one with a glass of water about 6 years ago. I haven’t been brave enough to get one since that traumatic event. It was only recently that I was able to let go of the dead one and give it to a coworker and as soon as I did that, the following series of fortunate events occured one after the other:

I’m gonna “share” it with Johnny, which will be hard, I know. I’m going to go check the FedEx tracking thingey one more time before bed and get a little tingle. he he he he he he he he o o o o o o o o

I love you, Coach Cheryl. :o)

I love the way you tell our player to ignore the obnoxious coach of the other team who is trying to intimidate her while she’s pitching, even when that coach is standing right next to you when you tell her that.

I love the passive-aggressive way you tell their other coach, “I’m sorry, but I can’t stand that man,” in the middle of the game.

I love the way that they make their runners steal home, even though we’re not allowed to steal home, just so that they can make us look incompetent. Even more, I love the way you did it right back to them in the next inning. he he he he

I love the way you bring our outfielders in to have a chance to play infield when we’re down by 5, like we’re not one bit worried about them beating us.

I love the awesome 2-woman wave and “whoop whoop,” we do for Madi before she pitches. She called us embarrassing, and tried not to look, but she was looking… oh yes, she was looking. (How can you NOT look?)

I love how after our girls make the most embarrassing series of crack-monkey throws during one play in the history softball, allowing a home run on a ground ball, that you do not judge me when I go over and praise my baby for almost getting the out at home… almost, by a mile. Hey, at least she caught it!!

I love when you are coaching third and I am coaching first, how you can look at me and giggle and I’ll know exactly what you’re laughing about. Yes, I agree… it’s fun to watch them run around like that. No you crazy bitch, I’m not sending her to second. Here’s a sign for you (a big L on the forehead). Yes, I know we’re not supposed to giggle when the umpire bends over and shows us his/her ass when he/she brushes off home plate. 

I love how you are a better pitcher than me, but you make ME pitch when Johnny’s not there. I also love how you’re a better catcher than me, but you let that child bruise up my poor hand while you laugh at my skills and my glove. 

Most of all, I love how you just KNOW all of the other team’s signals. You have an amazing gift, Miss Cheryl. I love how you have no shame when you watch their coach give the signal to bunt, and you yell at our 3rd baseman to move up before the batter’s even in the box, and then how you yell across the field at her to move back seconds after the “hit away” sign is given. And best of all, I LOVE how you tell their coach, “Hey coach, she’s waiting for you to give the signal,” he gives the signal to bunt, and without hesitation and with no shame, you yell across the field at the 3rd baseman to move up for the bunt.

Your balls are made of a space-age steel and brass mixture that is hermetically bonded for strength, and they are held to your crotch with Sasketuan seal skin bindings, Miss Cheryl. Have I ever told you that I love you? No?

Fun-ness.

Myspace surveys rock my socks. You know what I’m talking about: 30-75 questions written by some middle school kid that you fill out so that you can tell the world (or your friend’s list) what your favorite color is, what the last question you asked was, if you hate anyone, what your bus number is… essential life questions that people must know.

I love filling them out and seeing my 34 yr old answers on a questionnaire that was clearly meant for someone 20 years my junior. Good times, good times!

Here’s one from this morning: 

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

Johnny woke me up when he came to bed last night and apparently I was dreaming about work. I sat up, still asleep, and told him, “do you do that to all of your customers?” and I got into some trouble. LMAO

blah blah flibbedy flaaaahhh

Don’t you love when you disagree with someone so strongly that there’s nothing that you can say that wouldn’t end with you getting punched in the face, so you just sit there and smile and nod and listen, and let them spew their ignorance, until they realize how stupid their own voice sounds and they actually apologize for unloading that steaming pile of B.S.? That’s a good feeling, but I’ll never get that hour of my life back. Ever. What a waste. 

Products

Kroger is really good at tracking the stuff that I buy and sending me samples and coupons for stuff that I’d actually use rather than totally random things. Today in the mail, I got a sample of Head & Shoulders shampoo from them. I have to say, it’s making me a bit paranoid. How did they know that I was having scalp issues? Is it that obvious? I hope I don’t get any bikini wax samples - if so, I’m really going to start to worry.  

Hilarity

Johnny’s working nights tonight. He called me around 8:30 to tell me that he let a friend of his borrow one of our pitching machines (yes we have more than one - DOH!) and he wanted to let me know that the guy would be bringing it back in a few minutes.

I hung up the phone and jumped up to open the garage and nosey Nikki was following me saying, “What are you doing? Who was that? Who’s coming over? huh? huh?” So I told her, “Daddy let a man borrow his balls and he’s bringing them back.” I like to say things that disgust  her when she’s being annoying and any talk about balls will always be taken the wrong way with her. That’s what you do when you’re 14 - you make a dirty joke out of everything. Apparently you also do this at 34, but whatever - we’re talking about Nikki here. If I say something disgusting enough, it usually causes her to freak out and leave me alone. But sometimes she’ll come back with a pretty good response.

So now I’m standing in the garage letting the door open and she’s standing in the kitchen door yelling, “I’m gonna tell him when he comes over, ‘My momma doesn’t want to play with your balls!’” The door was open to about boob-height while she was yelling that. I rolled my eyes, turned around to watch the door go over my head, and what do you know? Yes, the man is standing right in front of me. At least he knows I don’t want to play with his balls - we cleared the air on that one just in case there were any weird vibes! With my face the same red color as the weird sunburn that I got ONLY on my neck yesterday (what’s up with that?), I took the pitching machine from the man, and he handed me the little bag of balls. My hand quivered as I grabbed this strange man’s ball sack, but I grasped it firmly in my hand, told him thank you, and shut the door. Nikki was in hysterics when I walked back in, but thank goodness she didn’t see the “transaction.” We must have SOME limits. 

In other news… later in the evening, Nikki and Courtney were having one of their deeeep conversations. (Courtney is my 4 year old.) Here’s how that went: 

Nikki: “Do you want to be like me when you get bigger?” 

Courtney: “No.” 

HA HA! Oh wait, it gets better. 

Nikki: “Why?” 

Courtney: “Because you’re mean and grouchy.” 

Nikki makes a sad face and acts like she’s crying 

Courtney, very matter-of-factly: “What? You didn’t know?”

Oh SNAP!!!

Opening Day

We had so much fun today! It was opening day for softball, so the girls had a parade, opening ceremonies, and an exhibition game.

Johnny worked last night, so he slept through the festivities and woke up just in time for the game in the afternoon. Guess what that meant? Yep, that meant that *I* drove the truck in the parade. Can you believe they let me do that? LOL I told the team ahead of us that they’d better keep their players on their trailer because I wasn’t stopping. I thought it would be a good way to narrow down the competition. They stayed on their trailer, funny enough. The parade ended without me running over any players, kids running for candy, or weird ass adults walking in the middle of the street… alone… collecting candy in their shirts. Freaks. I had a little trouble with accelerating at first and Cheryl said that she saved a few of our girls because she had them by the pony tails. I think the woman exaggerates. 

  

Opening ceremonies mostly consisted of people screaming into a microphone and Cheryl and I standing out of earshot of everyone giggling about the things they said that sounded dirty.



After that was over, I took Cheryl, Kim, and all of our kids back to the start of the parade so that they could get their cars that they left there. I think that driving through the ghetto in a decorated truck when there’s NOT a parade going on it almost as fun as actually riding in the parade! When we pulled up to the start, we saw Coach Alex’s truck sitting there, unmanned, just BEGGING for us to do something to it. I swear it spoke to us, because at that moment Cheryl and I looked at one another and had the same idea. Our shit’s coming off our truck and it’s going on Alex’s!!! (Alex is a coach of another team in our division, vice president of the league, SUPER competitive guy, forever our archnemesis.) Apparently it spoke to Nikki, too. She had the same idea. So we started pulling little cardboard softballs off of our truck and sticking them all over Alex’s. The streamers came off, the big “Here comes Trouble” sign went on his tailgate.



I giggled uncontrollably all the way home. I woke up Johnny and told him what we did and he said, “That’s messed up,” with a big ass smile on his face. 

Nikki’s game was at the same time as Kristen’s, so I didn’t get to see her play. She said that she hit a ball to centerfield and got a triple. Woo hoo! They won. 

Our game went better than we thought it would. We lost. We need lots of work. But they did well.

Madi pitched the first inning and then we put a new pitcher in. Well she’s not new, but new to us. Holy cow. This child has POWER. The little catcher was afraid to catch it - she’d turn her head and miss it almost every time. When she’d catch it, the force of the ball would almost knock her on her bootie. Most of the time, she’d miss and it would hit the wood on the fence and sound like a gunshot. And then there were the times when the umpire caught it - with his shoulder, his leg, his head, his crotch… yes, it bounced off the man’s crotch twice. He said, “I think I earned my money on that game!” It was the funniest shit EVAH (aside from sticking our team’s stuff all over Alex’s truck). I think we need to work on that child’s accuracy just a teench. Time expired before Kristen got a chance to pitch. She was complaining about being tired anyway, so that’s probably for the best.

I’m sitting here all stinky, too tired to get in the bath. Our neighbor (the one who doesn’t destroy our property), bought “the kids” a half gallon of ice cream because Johnny pressure-washed some mold off of her house the other day out of the goodness of his heart. So we’re enjoying the fruits of his labor. Yummmm. Thanks, Johnny!

Today

What can I say about today? Courtney really wanted to go shopping, and she told me that if I’d take her that… well let me let her tell you in her own words.

Courtney: “Mom. Pleeeease, let’s go to Sams!” 

Me: ” ”

Courtney: “Mom! PAHLEEEEASE!! If you take me to Sam’s I’ll give you a m…… (muffled words - sounded like “million dollars”)”

Me: *giggle* “You’ll give me what?”

Courtney: “I’ll give you a MEATLOAF!!!”

Well how do you say no to meatloaf? I know.

“Ask daddy, baby.” he he

he he he

“She’s always grinning, this one. Every time I look over at her.” 

That’s what one of my coworkers told a customer, referring to me.

I can’t help it. Life is good. 





I just wish my house was clean. 

Oops

I just realized that it’s 10:30 and I totally missed the evening news. They’ve been teasing me for 2 days on the radio, telling me that I’m probably posioning my children and I don’t even know it. And I missed it! I’ll never know! Effing news!

In other news, we had a coaches meeting tonight. I find it very amusing how grown men can hear a rule pertaining to a batting tee for 4 and 5 year old girls, analyze it, and within seconds, find a way to twist that rule so that it works to their advantage to win a game. It’s been a while since we’ve had little ones playing, but the way I remember it, the strategy was to just get them to run to the correct base (not into the outfield, backwards, or skipping second), to not sit down on the field, to not build sandcastles with their feet… Coach Cheryl used to tell them that they won every game, even if they lost by 20!! LMAO!! Men. I swear.

Literally!

Kristen has been waiting for about a week for one of her back teeth to come out. It was hanging on by a thread all that time. Today she’s sick and she’s slept most of the day away. She finally woke up, walked over to me, pulled her cheek back so that I could see her missing back tooth and said, “Look”.

I said, “Oh wow…  you lost it!!”

To that she said, “Literally.” and with a face like this:  and then she walked away.


Yeah, we have no idea where it is. hmmmm