If you’re looking for a christmas gift for a sports mom or dad, or for someone who loves softball, this is a great link. There are designs for football dads, basketball moms, and lots of different youth sports. You can get t-shirts, bags, stickers, buttons, magnets, license plate frames, water bottles, calendars, cards, and lots of other cool stuff. Check it out:

http://www.cafepress.com/sportygifts

I am:

a Trainer

I think:

that I was drunk when I took this picture

I have:

cheap sunglasses

I dislike:

The bitch driving this white truck

I miss:

My favorite uncle

I fear:

Public speaking!

I feel:

Lucky

I hear:

iTunes

I smell:

Sex and candy :o)

I crave:

some yummy ribs

I cry:

Happy, blue tears

I usually:

Drive people around

I search:

iGoogle

I wonder:

About the sanity of my children

I regret:

Ever calling Comcast

I wish:

my friends could stop fighting

I love:

My 3 stooges

I care:

about my grandma

I always:

find random pictures of shoes when I give Courtney the camera to play with

I worry:

about when she starts driving

I am not:

welcome in the "man cave"

I remember:

How much I loved this trip

I believe:

that I can use some more junk in my trunk

I sing:

when I drive

I don’t always:

I write:

In my blog

I win:

these headphones

I lose:

papers

I listen:

to audiobooks on my phone

I don’t understand:

hypocrites

I can usually be found:

with my nose in my macbook pro

I need:

My kids

I forget:

Numbers!!

I am happy:

that I finally finished this post!

That’s me:

Why are the things that I love so much probably going to be the things that kill me?

Today, I rode the scooter around the ‘hood on the wet streets and later on, I played ball (fastpitch). I’m still here after both of them!! 

I get overheaded and get some serious migraines from playing softball. I love to play, but my body doesn’t love me when I play. I signed up for another season, but told them I’d only be able to play the late games.

Tonight started out pretty good. On my first at bat, I hit it in the grass behind the second baseman, she overthrew it to first, and I ran to second. Double! Woo hoo! I can’t remember how I made it home - seems like I stole third and then went home on a hit. I also think it was the only run we made the entire game. Most of the game is a blur because after all of that base running, the blood left my head, I stopped sweating, and I got a little LOOPY!! 

Next time at bat (2 innings later because we weren’t doing too hot), I was just hoping my legs would take me all the way to first base. I had a serious case of noodle-legs! She pitched one low and waaaay inside and I barely jumped back in time to avoid it. I did the sign of the cross, a couple of hail Marys, got back in the box, and got to walk to first. Hell yeah! It’s still a blur - I think I got to second on a hit, and then tried to steal third after the catcher threw to first to try to pick her off. She got both of us, dammit! I felt like Snoopy when he does that thing where his legs move 90 mph, but he doesn’t go anywhere. 

I played second and nothing exciting happened out there other than me not making it fast enough to catch balls that I should have had. I also kept running behind the base when covering for some reason. I kept doing it even after I said outloud to myself, “in front of the base, stupid!” Ugh!!

I hate Texas heat. I am amazed that I didn’t get a migraine. I took the vicodin anyway, cause it’s just fun. I can kind of feel the throbbing breaking through every few minutes, so I’m glad I took it.

Anyways, I’m trying to ride the scooter every day now. As soon as I get more confident with turning I am going to take the trip all the way to work. I am doing really well, but I’m trying to be smart about this since I do have 3 children to think about. I haven’t been to highway speeds yet, but I’m much less scared of going fast and in a straight line than I am of loosing control in a turn. So more practice until I can do it without the white knuckles!!

I read some advice today that I LOVE:

“Fear of death doesn’t prevent you from dying… it prevents you from living.”

Behold.

It will be mine today or tomorrow.You may ask yourself, “Why the hell does Shana need another computer?” That’s one of those questions like, “Why is there air?” or “Why is there life?” Well there just is, and Shana just does, OK?

I’ve wanted another laptop since I killed my last one with a glass of water about 6 years ago. I haven’t been brave enough to get one since that traumatic event. It was only recently that I was able to let go of the dead one and give it to a coworker and as soon as I did that, the following series of fortunate events occured one after the other:

I’m gonna “share” it with Johnny, which will be hard, I know. I’m going to go check the FedEx tracking thingey one more time before bed and get a little tingle. he he he he he he he he o o o o o o o o

I love the way you tell our player to ignore the obnoxious coach of the other team who is trying to intimidate her while she’s pitching, even when that coach is standing right next to you when you tell her that.

I love the passive-aggressive way you tell their other coach, “I’m sorry, but I can’t stand that man,” in the middle of the game.

I love the way that they make their runners steal home, even though we’re not allowed to steal home, just so that they can make us look incompetent. Even more, I love the way you did it right back to them in the next inning. he he he he

I love the way you bring our outfielders in to have a chance to play infield when we’re down by 5, like we’re not one bit worried about them beating us.

I love the awesome 2-woman wave and “whoop whoop,” we do for Madi before she pitches. She called us embarrassing, and tried not to look, but she was looking… oh yes, she was looking. (How can you NOT look?)

I love how after our girls make the most embarrassing series of crack-monkey throws during one play in the history softball, allowing a home run on a ground ball, that you do not judge me when I go over and praise my baby for almost getting the out at home… almost, by a mile. Hey, at least she caught it!!

I love when you are coaching third and I am coaching first, how you can look at me and giggle and I’ll know exactly what you’re laughing about. Yes, I agree… it’s fun to watch them run around like that. No you crazy bitch, I’m not sending her to second. Here’s a sign for you (a big L on the forehead). Yes, I know we’re not supposed to giggle when the umpire bends over and shows us his/her ass when he/she brushes off home plate. 

I love how you are a better pitcher than me, but you make ME pitch when Johnny’s not there. I also love how you’re a better catcher than me, but you let that child bruise up my poor hand while you laugh at my skills and my glove. 

Most of all, I love how you just KNOW all of the other team’s signals. You have an amazing gift, Miss Cheryl. I love how you have no shame when you watch their coach give the signal to bunt, and you yell at our 3rd baseman to move up before the batter’s even in the box, and then how you yell across the field at her to move back seconds after the “hit away” sign is given. And best of all, I LOVE how you tell their coach, “Hey coach, she’s waiting for you to give the signal,” he gives the signal to bunt, and without hesitation and with no shame, you yell across the field at the 3rd baseman to move up for the bunt.

Your balls are made of a space-age steel and brass mixture that is hermetically bonded for strength, and they are held to your crotch with Sasketuan seal skin bindings, Miss Cheryl. Have I ever told you that I love you? No?

Johnny’s working nights tonight. He called me around 8:30 to tell me that he let a friend of his borrow one of our pitching machines (yes we have more than one - DOH!) and he wanted to let me know that the guy would be bringing it back in a few minutes.

I hung up the phone and jumped up to open the garage and nosey Nikki was following me saying, “What are you doing? Who was that? Who’s coming over? huh? huh?” So I told her, “Daddy let a man borrow his balls and he’s bringing them back.” I like to say things that disgust  her when she’s being annoying and any talk about balls will always be taken the wrong way with her. That’s what you do when you’re 14 - you make a dirty joke out of everything. Apparently you also do this at 34, but whatever - we’re talking about Nikki here. If I say something disgusting enough, it usually causes her to freak out and leave me alone. But sometimes she’ll come back with a pretty good response.

So now I’m standing in the garage letting the door open and she’s standing in the kitchen door yelling, “I’m gonna tell him when he comes over, ‘My momma doesn’t want to play with your balls!’” The door was open to about boob-height while she was yelling that. I rolled my eyes, turned around to watch the door go over my head, and what do you know? Yes, the man is standing right in front of me. At least he knows I don’t want to play with his balls - we cleared the air on that one just in case there were any weird vibes! With my face the same red color as the weird sunburn that I got ONLY on my neck yesterday (what’s up with that?), I took the pitching machine from the man, and he handed me the little bag of balls. My hand quivered as I grabbed this strange man’s ball sack, but I grasped it firmly in my hand, told him thank you, and shut the door. Nikki was in hysterics when I walked back in, but thank goodness she didn’t see the “transaction.” We must have SOME limits. 

In other news… later in the evening, Nikki and Courtney were having one of their deeeep conversations. (Courtney is my 4 year old.) Here’s how that went: 

Nikki: “Do you want to be like me when you get bigger?” 

Courtney: “No.” 

HA HA! Oh wait, it gets better. 

Nikki: “Why?” 

Courtney: “Because you’re mean and grouchy.” 

Nikki makes a sad face and acts like she’s crying 

Courtney, very matter-of-factly: “What? You didn’t know?”

Oh SNAP!!!

We had so much fun today! It was opening day for softball, so the girls had a parade, opening ceremonies, and an exhibition game.

Johnny worked last night, so he slept through the festivities and woke up just in time for the game in the afternoon. Guess what that meant? Yep, that meant that *I* drove the truck in the parade. Can you believe they let me do that? LOL I told the team ahead of us that they’d better keep their players on their trailer because I wasn’t stopping. I thought it would be a good way to narrow down the competition. They stayed on their trailer, funny enough. The parade ended without me running over any players, kids running for candy, or weird ass adults walking in the middle of the street… alone… collecting candy in their shirts. Freaks. I had a little trouble with accelerating at first and Cheryl said that she saved a few of our girls because she had them by the pony tails. I think the woman exaggerates. 

  

Opening ceremonies mostly consisted of people screaming into a microphone and Cheryl and I standing out of earshot of everyone giggling about the things they said that sounded dirty.



After that was over, I took Cheryl, Kim, and all of our kids back to the start of the parade so that they could get their cars that they left there. I think that driving through the ghetto in a decorated truck when there’s NOT a parade going on it almost as fun as actually riding in the parade! When we pulled up to the start, we saw Coach Alex’s truck sitting there, unmanned, just BEGGING for us to do something to it. I swear it spoke to us, because at that moment Cheryl and I looked at one another and had the same idea. Our shit’s coming off our truck and it’s going on Alex’s!!! (Alex is a coach of another team in our division, vice president of the league, SUPER competitive guy, forever our archnemesis.) Apparently it spoke to Nikki, too. She had the same idea. So we started pulling little cardboard softballs off of our truck and sticking them all over Alex’s. The streamers came off, the big “Here comes Trouble” sign went on his tailgate.



I giggled uncontrollably all the way home. I woke up Johnny and told him what we did and he said, “That’s messed up,” with a big ass smile on his face. 

Nikki’s game was at the same time as Kristen’s, so I didn’t get to see her play. She said that she hit a ball to centerfield and got a triple. Woo hoo! They won. 

Our game went better than we thought it would. We lost. We need lots of work. But they did well.

Madi pitched the first inning and then we put a new pitcher in. Well she’s not new, but new to us. Holy cow. This child has POWER. The little catcher was afraid to catch it - she’d turn her head and miss it almost every time. When she’d catch it, the force of the ball would almost knock her on her bootie. Most of the time, she’d miss and it would hit the wood on the fence and sound like a gunshot. And then there were the times when the umpire caught it - with his shoulder, his leg, his head, his crotch… yes, it bounced off the man’s crotch twice. He said, “I think I earned my money on that game!” It was the funniest shit EVAH (aside from sticking our team’s stuff all over Alex’s truck). I think we need to work on that child’s accuracy just a teench. Time expired before Kristen got a chance to pitch. She was complaining about being tired anyway, so that’s probably for the best.

I’m sitting here all stinky, too tired to get in the bath. Our neighbor (the one who doesn’t destroy our property), bought “the kids” a half gallon of ice cream because Johnny pressure-washed some mold off of her house the other day out of the goodness of his heart. So we’re enjoying the fruits of his labor. Yummmm. Thanks, Johnny!

Aaaah softball season is upon us once again. Kristen practices 2 weeknights and Nikki practices the other 3. When we build our million dollar house, I would like it to have a practice field in the backyard. We practically live there anyway, and maybe I wouldn’t spend so much money stopping at the store for water and gum every afternoon. 

Johnny, Cheryl and I are coaching Kristen’s team again. The first couple of practices were a little bit scary, but they’re coming around. Ha ha!! If you have any tips to keep 10 year olds from constantly jabbering, I’d love to hear them. We’d get soooo much more done if we could focus that energy. Maybe we just need LOTS more gum. They are a fun group of girls, though. We should have called them the Chatty Cathies. 

Nikki’s enjoying her team, too. She wants to try out for the high school team next year, so she’s pretty motivated to work hard.

We spent an outrageous amount of money at the softball/baseball store last week. It’s a sickness. We probably have enough softball equipment in the garage to outfit 2 or 3 teams. I mean, we have 3 sets of catcher’s gear and none of us catch!! *blush*

I might be strapping it on soon because Kristen is starting to get a little power to her pitches. She’s having a little trouble pitching when a girl is standing at the plate, though. I’m threatening to buy her this:  

   

Is that the funniest thing you’ve ever seen, or is it the funniest thing you’ve ever seen??

We set up a ghetto pitching target in the backyard last week. I put our small trampoline on it’s side and told her to throw the ball at it. (it bounces back at her - get it?) I’m going to go back there one day when she’s at school and fashion some kind of crazy looking scarecrow batter to stand by it. We’ll laugh for hours, and knowing my kids, they’ll dress her up and take pictures of her doing strange things. I’m sure the authorities will be involved at some point.

We friggin ROCKED tonight. So what, we lost… we’ve been losing most of our games lately because we can barely get our team to show up. But tonight we played the first place team and we only lost by 1 point.

I can finally hit it into the outfield (about half of the time now) and not straight to first friggin base!

I played second and made quite a few outs tonight, I didn’t do anything embarrassing, and the only error I made was when I dropped the ball when a bitch was sliding into me on second. I caught everything they hit to me, made a couple of outs on second, and a few throwing it to first. I even scored the first run.

GAWD I had fun!!!!!!!

You know the best part? Kristen went with me, and when we got home she told Nikki that I did a good job.

http://www.43things.com/person/shanalives

Oh wow, I just can’t get motivated today.

We’ve been installing a tile floor in the kitchen since Saturday and I’m still obsessing about it. It was so much work - the concept was easy enough, but I just thought I would never get off of my hands and knees. Right now I feel like a hooker who just finished a week long “buy a hand job, bring a friend for free” special. OK, I feel how I THINK she would feel. HA HA My knees are scuffed up, my neck hurts, and my knuckes are sore from squeezing that damn sponge for 6 hours. When I finished last night, I stood up, every bone in my body popped, and I swear that I had a floorgasm when I realized I was finally finished!

All I want to do today is paint my cabinets. Second on that list would be to just sit in the entrance to the kitchen and stare at my beautiful floor all day long. LOL Does anyone else do that? Clean a room or redo something and find yourself going back a million times a day just to stare at it? Here, now I can come here and stare at it if I have to leave for some reason. he he:

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh. That’s better.

I’m supposed to be doing some work before I run my grandma around and go to Kristen’s Easter party, so I guess I should do that. I just took some excedrin. Maybe the caffiene will motivate me to at least put some clean clothes on. Enjoy my floor while I’m gone.

I haven’t been moved to write anything in a while… I’m sorry! But I thought I’d share this clip from TDS the other night. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. Even though he’s making fun of my homies, Hillary and Barak, it’s damn funny (especially about 5 min into it)!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f9BZjPHWOU

Oh Billie Joe, no no no…

Momma needs you back in black, sweetie.

Why do I love Cheryl so?

Let me count a couple of the ways…

1. Because she can drive down the expressway at the posted speed, talk on the phone, and read some kind of ID card all at the same time

2. Because the attempts of a passerby waving and flailing her arms like a maniac while driving directly beside her on said expressway cannot divert her attention from the task of talking on the phone, driving, and looking at that card.

What IS on that card?

Who WAS she calling?

What WAS Taylor eating there in the passenger seat?

Ah, Cheryl. Soon I will no longer be a mere freeway stalker to her. Soon I will be worthy of her sideways glances out the window, and perhaps *GASP* even a wave.

(The new Green Day CD/DVD) is AWESOME! I only wish that it had MORE interviews! All GD fans must get it!

I can’t wait until Johnny goes somewhere for 2 hours so I can watch it again without being accused of things…

Who needs porn when you have Bullet in a Bible?

I’m kidding, people!

(everyone needs porn.)

I’m kidding again! Sheesh!

(going to watch something from my personal collection now)

I’m KIDDING!

(gosh, you’ll believe anything, won’t you?)

Shameless Plug:
All porn, all the time, visit (ha ha I took the link out)

(You are SO gullible if you click that link for porn shame shame)

My grandma was standing at the end of her driveway this morning when I was getting ready to leave her house, and she called me to the back of my car. She’d been standing there for a while. She pointed to my little Green Day sticker and said, “come here… what does this mean… Green Day, American Idiot?”

LMAO

I said, “Green Day is a band and American Idiot is the name of a song.”

She gave me a tisk tisk look and said, “oh, ok” and rolled her eyes.

I didn’t have the guts to ask her what she thought it meant!! LOL I think she may be a bit disturbed that Nikki looked like a punk this morning in her green day tshirt, ripped jeans, and studded belt. Poor Nana.

Shameless Plug:
For more on this subject and more, and everything that you’ve ever even thought of talking about or bitching about, you’d better f’ing visit (oh dear lookey there, the link is gone!)

Boy, Conan O’Brian is one goofy mother fucker. He’s like David Letterman with ADHD and a mild case of Tourettes. I haven’t seen his show in a long time and for some reason I was drawn to it tonight. hmmmm, weird. :oP Yes, it’s the night that Green Day is on. I am becoming such a guitar nerd. I’m all excited because I can see his fingers and which chords he’s playing.

Johnny got 2 gift cards at work today for averting disaster yesterday. They put it it different terms than that, though. It was more like he was being “vigilant” in his work. He works in a place where they hold millions of gallons of chemicals, so vigilance is good. Personally, I consider it a good day if I finish at least half of my work, and don’t screw it up enough to cause it to be reprinted. I could never work with chemicals… it would be bad… very, very bad.

Anyway, I was telling you that because he called me up this afternoon and told me to be ready to shop when he got home! He gave me both of the gift cards ($125), watched the girls, and let me go buy whatever I wanted all by myself. The only restriction was that it had to be for ME. Is he a sweetie or what? I bought a little something that he could enjoy too. :oP

(Are you understanding the title now… chemicals, romance?)

I got a good reality bitch slapping in the dressing room. There’s nothing like a florescent light and a pair of pants your size that won’t button to boost a girl’s self esteem. It took every ounce of restraint not to go over to the vitamin isle in Wallyworld and buy a bottle of Fat b Gone. Tomorrow I’m loading up the kid’s scooters and the big stroller and going for a jog at the park… before my ass swallows this chair.

BTW, why doesn’t WalMart sell American Idiot?? Anybody know? They have every other Green Day CD. They don’t sell Jon Stewart’s book anymore, either (America, the Book). I heard that they pulled it when they realized that there are nekkid photos of supreme court justices in the centerfold.

I’ve had my America book in the bathroom for a couple of months now. On a good business day, I can read a whole chapter in there. Last week, Kristen decided to read it and found the nekkid page. It has all the supreme court justices with their heads are pasted on top of these ghastly old wrinkly bodies. On the page next to it, you can cut out their little robes and they have tabs like paper dolls. It is hilarous. Kristen thought that it was the best thing ever. She ran out of the bathroom holding the book in front of her open to that page and was running in circles around the living room, making this crazy noise, laughing and snorting, and I was chasing her down trying to get my book from her. Geez. Now I’m starting to see where Walmart was going with this. My book is now banned from the bathroom! It’s now here beside me with pieces of toilet paper marking the good parts.

If Steven can have an Untitled Rock Show, then I can have an untitled blog post, darnit!

I aaahhh-choo! NY:

Last night in the wee hours, I had the WORST sneezing attack that I’ve ever had. It was awful. When it was finally done, my eyes were red and swollen almost completely closed. I took a big ‘ol swig of Benadryl since there was no way I could measure a dosage in that condition. 5 minutes later, I was asleep.

I slept until 9:40 am! I remember waking briefly at 6:30 when Johnny came home, and I hope I didn’t tell him any of my deep, dark secrets.

What am I talking about? I don’t have any deep dark secrets. I’m so boring. I remember saying something to him, but I don’t remember what it was.

I dreamed that my whole family was on vacation in New York! It may have had something to do with the fact that I entered to win the old Daily Show couch, cash, and a trip to NY to see the show. That would be almost as good as winning the lottery! New York, Jon Stewart, cash, AND a normal looking couch?? I’m going to have to change my underwear just from typing that!

Anyway, in my dream, I was in a mall with the kids and my mom. I was supposed to be going to the doctor (perhaps the allergy doctor?), but I couldn’t find my shoes! So I was walking around this mall in NY with no shoes. I’m pretty sure the lady in the jewelry store took them. That bitch. Our hotel looked exactly like our house, only there was a ditch in the front yard, and it was filled with snow.

I’m pretty sure that the part about having no shoes comes from the fact that Nikki decided to wear mine to school the other day and put these crazy pink and white shoelaces in them, leaving my white ones at Nana’s house. I look like an 11 year old.

–

Bitch Rant:

As most of you know, the lady across the street ran over our mailbox this morning, sped off, and left it lying in the middle of the road. I heard it happen and I ran out there waving my arms and having a bitch fit all to myself. I contemplated many hateful revenges, but in the end, she fessed up and all is well. I can deal with most anything, as long as someone is being honest with me.

The revenges, in case you wanted to know:
Throwing the entire mailbox into the road where she parks that monster, throwing hams into her yard, telling the neighborhood brats that there is a bunch of candy in her van, filling her mailbox with shaving cream, building a concrete fortress around mine, duct taping dead fish to her muffler, smearing vasaline under her door handles, signing her up for record clubs, playing rock and country music louder than that crap that they blast at all hours… but those are just off of the top of my head.

–

For Your Dinnertime Reading Pleasure:

Somebody just TOTALLY farted in here. When I went to investigate (to make sure it wasn’t courtney), I ate ANOTHER piece of chocolate. Courtney picks her belly button so much that it’s irritated and turned inside out, so we have to put a bandaid on it, and there is a mysterious wet spot on the bathroom floor that I haven’t wiped up yet.

–

It Ain’t over till the bloated lady plays:

I’m learning a non-Green Day song on the guitar. Nirvana’s In Bloom. It’s looking hopeful that this may be the second complete song that I will be able play. (The other one is Brain Stew) I can play a bunch of little parts of different songs, but I usually get stuck on something and give up on it.

I love this guitar so much!!

October 31, 2005

For Immediate Release

Rock Star Billie Joe Armstrong spotted in Texas City

Rocker Billie Joe Armstrong of the pop / punk band Green Day was spotted Monday night in Texas City. He was accompanied by a young physician with multiple wounds, a purple fairy / flying purple people eater, Miss Texas (known by some as “Gabby with a hat”), and a young punk.

Mr. Armstrong visited several local houses with his strange entourage. People seemed very happy to see him and gave them candy and whatever other treats they had on hand. Several teen girls screamed and fainted while others pondered over the two bulges on his chest and were visibly creeped out by them. When asked to comment on the bulges, Billie told reporters that he is an occasional cross dresser and he simply forgot to remove some of his padded undergarments from earlier in the evening.

The young doctor was pale and covered in blood, apparently the result of a horrible hospital trauma involving a disgruntled patient. The purple fairy, who was once thought to be Billie’s magic fairy dust supplier, had a hand in bringing the good doctor back to life, at least for the night. Miss Texas (or “Gabby with a hat”), is a good friend of the purple fairy and visits her house often to use the fairy’s instant messenger.

The identity of the young punk toddler who accompanied Billie was unknown. It is rumored that the child in question is named Courtney Luv and is the product of a secret affair between Billie Joe and local graphic designer / aspiring guitar goddess Shana Rae. When asked for a comment on the child’s identity, or the relationship between Billie Joe and Shana Rae, both parties declined to make a statement.

Shana’s husband told reporters in a recent interview that he hates Green Day and once threatened to throw all of Shana’s CD’s of the band out of the car window. Was it jealousy that sparked this angry outburst? All parties declined to comment once again.

# # #

Oh, Brad, Brad, Brad… you’re KILLING me! (Brad Lidge of the Astros, that is.) He did it AGAIN! Gave up a winning homerun in the 9th inning. SHIT!!!!!! After it happened in the playoffs, they came back and kicked serious bootie in the next game, so I’m expecting that again. You hear me, Astros??? Gosh Darnit, don’t make me get bitchy again!

My dear, sweet, husband lied to me today. He told me he was going to the flea market and left all by himself for hours and hours. That’s not where he went. Do you want to know where he went? Do you? Really?

He went to Houston and bought this for me from his brother:

(Note: all of the crap in the background is the corner where we throw Courtney’s toys. It started as 3 plastic bins and now it kind of has a life of it’s own. Sorry, I was too excited to photoshop. I’ve been photoshopping all day for work and I don’t even want to think about it!! So you get MESS! SHEESH, Amanda!)

I am in HEAVEN! Now I get to play all of those songs that sound silly on my acoustic. Like, “I’m the son of rage and love! The Jesus of Suburbia!” I can play that one good. Damn, good. (it’s really easy. lol)

I’m glad that I didn’t get mad at him when he walked in from his little trip!! LMAO

The Daily Show, followed by the Colbert Report = the BEST hour of television, EVER!

“the most compelling fake news hour in basic cable”

Stephen Colbert’s new show is awesome! It’s “trustigous.” LOL If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out. He comes on right after The Daily Show. It’s kind of like The Daily Show on steriods. I love how he is so full of himself.

Please, for the love of all humanity, Comedy Central, please take Adam Corolla off of the air! What is wrong with his face when he talks? Something is not moving like a normal person’s face. It’s not any funnier when you get LOUDER, Adam. It’s just more annoying. He’s a prick, and he’s rarely funny, and he doesn’t deserve to be on right after a great hour of television like that. Right now I’m forced to either watch him or find my clicker and that’s just not right.

Nikki had a choir concert tonight and it was GREAT! It was the best school production that I’ve been to. They sang 50’s songs and the kids dressed in poodle skirts, blue jeans and white t-shirts, etc. It was so much fun. They had kids riding on skateboards down the aisles for surfing songs, dancing on the stage, running into the audience and dancing. Nikki’s dance was in the aisle of the audience. It was so cute! I’ll post some videos tomorrow.

Now back to the grind! (I’ll let you guess what kind of grinding I’m doing tonight. What you’re thinking will probably be much more exciting than what I’m really doing.)

Taken from “Are Green Day Their Own Worst Enemy?” posted on MTV.com:

“On October 6 in Las Vegas, Nevada, the world-renowned musical act the Network have agreed to support longtime rivals Green Day. It is also rumored that the Network will support Green Day on ’secret’ shows at the Wiltern Theater in Los Angeles and the Warfield in San Francisco,” the statement read. “Green Day’s management declined to comment on the ongoing feud between bands, but confirmed that the Network will be performing in the opening time slot.”

Sounds pretty straightforward, until you notice that the statement was written by “George Plimpton,” the celebrated journalist and editor (who just so happened to have died more than two years ago), and then you hearken back to 2003, when the Network released their punchy, new-wavey debut, Money Money 2020 (see “Did Green Day Secretly Release A New Album Tuesday? Only The Snoo Knows”).

Back then fans were speculating that the Network were really Green Day in disguise, noting that the two bands sounded awfully alike and claiming that Armstrong doubled as the Network’s leader, “Fink,” bassist Mike Dirnt sang most of the songs under the alias “Van Gough,” and drummer Tre Cool kept the beat as “The Snoo.” It was also rumored that frequent Green Day collaborators Jason White and Jason Freese played in the band as guitarist “Captain Underpants” and keyboardist “Z.”

None of these rumors or speculations were ever confirmed (or denied) by anyone with Green Day or Adeline.

And all of a sudden, you start to wonder if this is all some elaborate joke. Are the Network really Green Day in some cheap masks? And if so, then are Green Day planning to open for Green Day at their upcoming shows?

Well, a spokesperson for Adeline did confirm that the Network would be opening for Green Day at those three shows, but denied rumors that the two bands are the same, adding that the true identities of the musicians in the Network are a mystery, since they never remove their masks. It was assured, however, that no animosity existed between the two acts, but just in case, they’ll be kept in “separate backstage areas” to make sure nothing gets out of hand.

But according to a source close to Green Day (who asked not to be identified), the feud is far from over, and if the platinum punks had their way, they’d never have to deal with the Network ever again. Unfortunately, they were contractually obligated to have them serve as their opening act.

“Green Day’s association with the Network began in 2003 with Adeline Records’ release of Money Money, and ever since they have been an ongoing pain in the ass for the Green Day camp,” the source said. “That being said, Green Day was pressured to have the Network open due to contract issues. Any comparison between the well-dressed members of Green Day and the Network, a band that clearly shops at Merry Go Round at their local shopping mall, is completely absurd.”

—–

For more on “the Network” Visit www.thenetworkband.com

The religion section is a pretty funny spoof on Scientology. Only their religion was created by a romance author and includes a lot of drinking.

I love how one of them was arrested twice in Texas, for messing with Texas, and does not consider himself reformed.

If you visit AdelineRecords.net you can hear one of their songs. No wonder I liked that song!! LMAO

Are we we are, are we we are the waiting! He he. There’s a green day for every occasion. It looks like we should be ok in tc unless something weird happens tonight. Wake me up… Sing along now… When september ends… That was pretty corny. The computer withdrawal is really kicking in.

RE: what if BJ mike or Tre waz ur dad???I would want Tre to be my dad. He is the craziest and would let you get away with more. Billie Joe would be weird to have as a dad because it would be weird thinking your dad is hot.

LMAO!! The future of our country, straight from the VH1 message boards!!

I was on those boards tonight because they had that benefit concert and I wanted to post about our site. Of course, I stumbled upon the Green Day boards and introduced myself as the old lady that I am. WHEW! I thought that Kristen was in trouble with her 2nd grade spelling…apparently she’s doing OK considering these teenagers spell just about as well as she does.

In case you didn’t know what a poser ‘wuz’ :

RE: follow up on poser invasion ahhhhhhum 1 she aint a poser
2 poser is someon who said they where a fan
3 dont call people a poser for just likein a song of them with out even saying they r a fan

he ha ha ha ha ha. I’m going to go fix me a margarita and read some intelligent adult conversation now, like the ones that go on over there on the ‘dark side’. So intelligent, so entertaining. Who needs TV when you have that?

Whenever Courtney sees Billie Joe of Green Day on TV or on the computer, she calls him La-La. (That’s also her word for guitar). The commercial for that new Tim Burton film called Corpse Bride came on the other day. She pointed to the little guy played by Johnny Depp and called HIM La La. I guess he DOES look a little like Billie Joe. LMAO

By the way, she is a genius. (I know these things)

Why, you ask? She stuck 2 straws in her drink today, brought the drink to me, pointed to each straw and said, “one, two.” He he

I wore my Green Day shirt today and Johnny told me that he was going to rip it off because he is jealous. But the weren’t selling any Johnny shirts there. I don’t know what to tell him. I think he just wants my shirt off, to tell you the truth.

Courtney has been throwing screaming and crying tantrums all day long. I don’t know what’s gotten into her. She’s a pretty cool tempered kid most of the time, but today was a different story! She got mad when people would just say the wrong thing, when she couldn’t have a coke, when she thought that Kristen was taking a bath without her, when I washed the shampoo out of her hair and she couldn’t do “pretty hair” anymore etc. etc. (It’s pretty funny to watch her throw a fit while screaming “preeeeettttyyyy haaaaiiiirrrrr!”) She was even telling me, “no no” and pointing that little finger of hers at me.

The last tantrum of the night was because she wanted some of Nikki’s stickers on top of the fish tank. I gave her one and told her that the rest were Nikki’s. She didn’t like that idea at all. I thought she was OK with it at first, and I walked around the corner to hang up some clothes. The next thing I know, there’s a big noise and laundry is flying! She tried to climb the basket of laundry to get to the stickers at the top of the fish tank! Poor thing, she got a big red scratch and a welt from her armpit down to the side of her belly.

She was mad enough to go to sleep after that one, though. I hope tomorrow is a better day for her and this isn’t the start of some kind of phase with her.

And BTW, I just love that a kiss from mommy still makes all of the boo-boos feel better. She will ask for a kiss when she hurts herself and when she gets it, she’s cured! That is sooo sweet. It doesn’t work with Kristen (I tried it the other day…”Mooooommm!”)

The other day when I was talking to Amanda on yahoo, Nikki declared that she was not going to wear white after Labor Day. WHA?? Don’t think so, little Miss Beyonce! I’ll be damned if she thinks she’s going to stop wearing all the stuff that I just bought her for school that is white! So we tried to convince her that only old people followed that rule, and whatever else we could think of to tell her (like, “Diddy will be wearing white,” to which she replied, “I’m not Diddy. I’m Beyonce.” She always had some kind of smart assed comeback for us.

Tonight I was in my “other office” reading one of her magazines and found this: “Celeb Tip: Dare to wear white to stand out in the winter,” and it showed pictures of 4 celebrities wearing white.

I finished my bizness, slammed the magazine down beside her on the couch, and said, “BOO-YA!” She had no whitty comeback tonight. I’m cutting that out and putting it on the fridge to remind her about all the white she’ll be wearing after Labor Day.

In other news, Green Day, along with Usher and some other entertainers, will be playing a benefit concert on September 10th for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I think they’ll be raising money for the Red Cross. Billie Joe dedicated ‘Wake me up When September Ends’ to the victims from this hurricane.

I’d almost forgotten about my luv from Tim McGraw until I saw him on that benefit they had tonight. mmm mmm mmmmm

So here’s what happens when a gal with a short attention span gets a hold of a guitar:

I can play:

The intro to Wake me up when september ends
The intro to some dixie chicks song
The intro to an Alan Jackson song (Drive)
The intro to about 5 other songs.

But i CAN play the entire song, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, minus a measure or two, but only because it’s the same 5 chords over and over again.

If I ever figure out how you go about “tuning down the guitar 1/4 step,” Then I can play Brain Stew (it’s only 4 chords LOL). Right now I can play Brain Stew out of tune! Woo hoo!!

Now there are just some chords out there where I’m thinking, it’s just not possible for a human set of fingers to get into a position like that.

I got a new sparkly belly button ring and a flat iron in the mail today.

And I’m going to cook some hamburgers after I read some blogs.

CAN IT GET ANY MORE EXCITING THAN THIS? I think not folks, I think not!

Green Day - Brain Stew / Jaded Live from New York

(It’s an mpg video, so don’t click it if you’re at work or on dialup, or something crazy like that)

But you can see what I was talking about down there in my concert post! This is from their current tour. Woo hoo!!

This was the first time that I’d been to the Toyota Center, which is the new arena that they built for the Houston Rockets. I printed out their directions from the website, but somehow I turned down a wrong street in downtown Houston and ended up by U of H. You would think that they would have signs coming off of the freeway that tell you where to go, since it is a major freeway and it is right next to the big convention center. But oh well! We eventually found it and were able to park in the garage right next door.

There was a line going in because they had to search everyone’s bags and stuff. They made Gabby take off these little cutsey chains that she had hanging from one belt loop to another. I’m not sure what that was all about. They said that I could put them in my purse, but she couldn’t leave them on. OK! ??

We got inside and went up the escalator. Up, and up, and up, and up, and up, and up, and up, and up…seriously, that was a long way up for one escalator! I was holding on TIGHT. I have this crazy fear of heights. I was getting a bit anxious and then Nikki started talking about this show that she watched on TV where a kid fell down an escalator. That didn’t help the situation, and I held on tighter than ever. Kids, gotta love em! Finally the damn carnival ride to our level ended and my blood pressure lowered a bit!

We bought our shirts. Nikki and Gabby got matching pink ones to wear to school and I got a green one because it was the only non-black one in an adult size. I look awful in a black shirt…makes me look ghostly. I got a sticker for my car, too. Now the place where I cleaned my back window to put the sticker is the only clean part of my car!

We bought drinks and I walked off and left mine on the counter. DOH! I went back to get it and the people working there looked at me like I was crazy, leaving that damn $4 drink there. LMAO. I was just getting unbelievably excited and trying not to lose the children!

So finally, we got to our seats. Well actually, we opened a curtain and we were standing at the top of our section. YOWZA! Talk about STEEP!! It felt like if you tripped, that you would just roll down the stairs, catch some air, and then keep falling till you hit the floor section below! We started walking down (CLUTCHING the handrail…I’m sure my fingerprints are still in it), and Nikki DID trip! My theory was busted, thank goodness. She didn’t fall to the floor below, only to the next step. WHEW!

There were a LOT of kids there. Even very young kids. It was evident that they were really into their Green Day! lol The audience in the upper section was mostly teenagers, and kids with their yuppie-looking parents (except for me, the cool mom, of course :P). I only saw a few people my age or older that came without a kid. The floor section was full of adults and older teens because it’s a bit too dangerous for the younger ones. There was a group of people who watched the concert from the sound booth in the middle of the floor section, and one of those ladies brought 2 toddlers! (They wore ear muffs, and were behind a fence though) The mix of people was just wild… from old to young, headbangers to screaming teeny-boppers!

Although our seats were way in the back, they were still great! There was an unobstructed view of the stage, even when people in front of us were standing. We had 2 pairs of binoculars, so we could see up close when we wanted to. The only bad thing was that it was impossible to get a good picture of the stage with the crappy camera on my phone. (You weren’t allowed to bring cameras or recording devices in.) Any time the stage was lit or something cool was happening, the photo was just a big blob of light. I’ll post some at the end, anyway.

Jimmy Eat World was the opening band. I wasn’t familiar with them, but they sounded pretty good! I recognized one of their songs. Luckily, they only played about 5 or 6. I was anxious to see my boys!

They set up the stage for Green Day pretty quickly. Pretty soon the drunk pink bunny came out, so I put Amanda’s number on speed dial. Jakob wanted to hear them play American Idiot, and I knew that it would be the first song.

The drunk bunny went backstage, the lights went down, and everyone started screaming! The band came out and started playing the opening of American Idiot, dur dur dur DUR, dur dur dur dur dur DUR! (did you get that?) We went NUTS!!!! Especially when Billie Joe came out. He was the last one to jump on stage. They played half of the song and then introduced themselves while the music played. They said something about Houston, and about Texas not being a red or blue state, but a GREEN state! WOOOOOOO!! LMAO! They said a bunch of bad words, so Amanda, if Jakob starts running around the house going, “Hey, Houston! Are you ready to FUCKING ROCK???!!??” I don’t know what to tell you!

They played most of the songs from the new album, a bunch of their older stuff, and even some songs from other bands. About halfway through, they announced that they were going to form a band from the audience, “right here tonight!” They asked the kids in the front, “Who can play the drums down here? I mean it…don’t say you can if you can’t!” He also requested that they be sexy. LOL So they pulled this goofy looking guy out of the audience and asked him if he’d ever been laid before. I think he said yes. I hope so because he looked like he was close to 30! Billie Joe took him up to the drums and Tre’ Cool showed him what to play (just a simple beat) and he started playing while Billie was searching for more band members. He was pretty good!

Then he said that he needed a bass player. The audience pointed to some girl, but she wouldn’t tell him if she could actually play or not. He kept saying, “can you play? Do you swear?” LMAO. Apparently she wouldn’t give him a straight answer so he said, “forget her!” and asked for someone who could really play. They pulled out another goofy looking guy who said that he’s played for 13 years. This guy looked like he was straight from Microsoft headquarters or somthing…seriously nerdy looking. Billie Joe looked at him and said, “SEXY!” ha ha!! Mike Dirnt gave him his bass, showed him the 3 chords to play, and then let him go at it! The guy started playing, along with the drummer, and he was hamming it up! He started following Billie Joe across the stage while he was playing and Mike Dirnt ran over and pushed him back to the corner of the stage. It was hilarious!

Then Billie pulled a guy out of the audience to play HIS guitar. :shudder: The guy claimed that he’d been playing guitar for 14 years. Billie showed him the chords to play, gave him the guitar off of his neck, and walked away. The guy started playing and he seriously sucked, but he kept playing. He started walking down that part of the stage that goes out into the audience. By that time, Billie was across the stage again, egging on the crowd to cheer for them. I looked at Nikki and said, “Dang, he can’t play!” and then Billie Joe (apparently he must have heard me HA-HA), ran across the stage, took the guitar away from him, and said, “YOU SUCK! Now which one of you can REALLY play?” They pointed to some girl and he said, “DO YOU SWEAR?? I mean it, do you fucking swear that you can play?” (the way he says SWEAR cracks me up - he has such a cute accent.) She said yes, got up on stage, got Billie’s guitar… he had to adjust the strap for her and I’m thinking, “damn, I’d lie about playing the guitar, too, if I got to be in her shoes right now!” He showed her the chords and she was just a tad bit better than the other guy.

He let them play for a minute anyway, and the guys on the horns played with them. He stopped them and the guy on the drums did a little solo. Tre’ Cool was like “OK, OK! Stop!” LMAO! Then Billie said, “YOU GUYS SUCK!” The guy on drums was walking off stage and Billie stopped him to point out how sexy he was to the audience and gave him a big kiss on the lips! :smack!: They guy just stood there with a goofy look on his face. Billie then stopped the girl who played the guitar and told her that she could keep the guitar and she went nuts saying, “thank you, thank you!” Then he screamed at her, “FUCKING PRACTICE!!!” OMG it was so funny!!

They played so many songs. It just seemed like they went on forever and never tired. The old songs were as awesome at the new ones. It was impossible to sit still! There was a man a few rows up who had his wife and little boy with him. Halfway through the concert, he was standing up with his shirt off waving it around over his head!! There were only a couple of songs that they played that I hadn’t heard and they were still just incredible beyond words! They threw a bunch of stuff into the audience, were constantly touching them, bending down and singing to them…I would have LOVED to have been down there in general admission, but they got very rowdy. They pulled a lot of people out who were hurt, but they went right back in after they caught their breath. When I was watching in the binoculars, someone threw some underwear at him and he threw it back down into the audience. EEW In another nice session with the binoculars, I watched as he bent down to the audience with the crack of his bootie sticking out. aaaah lovely. LOL They played one of the songs while laying down and another while the lights were out and the audience sang.

He was constantly doing something to get the audience more involved with the show, whether it was the screaming contest between the right side and the left side (which we got to scream for BOTH, being in the middle), the “HEY, O!” thing where you repeat what he sings, singing the lyrics to songs, calling George Bush an idiot, etc etc. He talked about how they used to tour Texas and nobody “gave a fuck” and he was constantly saying, “thank you” to the fans throughout the night. At one point, he tried to point to every section of the arena while saying, “thank you, thank you, thank you.” He was really in touch with his fans, and I think that’s what made the concert so great!

They had a big screen behind them, but there weren’t any fancy graphics or anything. It showed the words “green day” for some of the songs, later it flashed the words to “We are the Champions” it showed Billie Joe’s eyes during the last song of the night. Most bands that I’ve been to with fun shows rely heavily on the look of the set and the effects, but what made this show so great was #1, the music, and #2, the way that he interacted with the audience. All of the other stuff was just extra.

They turned the lights off and I don’t think they even left the stage while the audience chanted “GREEN DAY, GREEN DAY,” for the encore. The lights came back up and they sang “We are the champions,” by Queen, and then “I hope you had the time of your life,” while confetti rained down over the audience. It was a very appropriate song to end on, because I think everyone there had the time of their life!

I am now ruined for any other concert that I ever attend again. They will have a hard time living up to this one!

Sorry my photos suck, but here they are:

I just got back from the GREEN DAY CONCERT!!!!

I’ve been to a LOT of concerts and this was BY FAR the BEST!! They put on an awesome show!!! The seats really weren’t that bad. It was really steep so you could even sit down and still see them if the people in front of you were standing.

I’ll write about it in the morning when my brain is working. I am so so so tired right now.

Amanda, I don’t know if you could really hear the song when I called you. I recorded some of them on my phone and the fast songs just sounded like static. It was so loud!

The kids loved it, I loved it…all I can say right now is WOW. Amazing!

I was reading last night that Billie Joe of Green Day is sick - something with his voice - and they cancelled their shows on Saturday and Monday! NOOOOOO!!!

They’re supposed to play in Oklahoma tonight, so I’ll be here like a giddy schoolgirl awaiting the news to see if that show was cancelled or not. They MUST play this Friday in Houston or, or, or else my life will go on as usual, I suppose…wait a minute, no it won’t!! I must see them on Friday!!! I have my binoculars ready and waiting!

I think that if the boy can’t sing, just set him up in a chair or something so we can all look at him…maybe form a line where we can all touch his hair or rip off a piece of his clothing! he he

I’m kidding…I’m not really THAT obsessive! I’m 32 years old for Pete’s sake!

OK, maybe just a little.

I know I keep going on about this, but I thought that the last post didn’t really give you a good feel for where we’ll be sitting. This might help you out a little bit:

What could be better than THAT?? Perhaps THIS??

Oh, crap! I meant Jon with an H-ny!! JoHnNY!! Really!

Looks like trouble…I’d better be going now.

The Toyota Center has a thing on their website where you can see what the view is like from your seats. Here’s our view for the concert:

WOOOOAH!! Get some tissue ready in case your nose bleeds, then click here

The stage is supposed to be where the far basketball goal is in the photo. That’s FAR, but it’s dead center! I’ll have to bring my binoculars!

The discussions are over, the decision is final…Nikki and I are gonna go to the Green Day Concert on the 19th!!

Don’t worry, we’ll be up in the “cheap” (they’re not really cheap) seats. She’s not going to get hurt and she’s not going to see or hear anything that she hasn’t already heard me screaming in the car. She will wear ear plugs so her ears aren’t ringing afterwards.

However, we might stop and get her a tattoo and belly piercing on the way home.

I’m kidding, people.

I am so freekin excited! I’m going to see if anyone else wants to go and then buy the tickets. Maybe we’ll even dress up like punks!! HA HA

I was just trying to get my little kiddo to go to sleep. I’m trying to break some nightime habits of hers so it’s a little tough. After lying with her for a few minutes, I was bored beyond belief, so I turned on the TV. (I usually sleep with the TV on and it doesn’t phase her.) Just when I think she’s going to bed, Green Day comes on SNL! I look up, but don’t say a word. They are singing “Holiday.” I watch them for all of 2 seconds when courtney STANDS UP on the bed and starts shouting, “HEY!” and throwing her arms in the air at all of the right places in the song, shaking her bootie to the beat. It was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a LONG time. Maybe tomorrow I’ll see if I can film her doing it..

Oh Cheryl, I just missed you on the IM. SORRY!

It’s 2 a.m., time to NAME THAT TUNE!

I’m having trouble trying to sleep
I’m counting sheep but running out
As time ticks by, still I try
No rest for crosstops in my mind
On my own, here we go

My eyes feel like they’re gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry, my face is numb
Fucked up and spun out in my room
On my own, here we go

My mind is set on overdrive
The clock is laughing in my face
A crocked spine, my sense is dulled
Passed the point of delirium
On my own, here we go

—–

Ya, that’s pretty good, Billie Joe, but here’s my version:

I’m having trouble trying to work
I’m running circles in my mind
This mindless, numbing, programming
Will be the death of me in time
On my own, here we go…

No one’s appreciatin me
My time means nothin to you fools
I’m gonna break, or get half-baked
I’m going nuts, for heaven’s sake
All you do, take take take

My eyes feel like they’re gonna bleed
I think I need some fucking sleep
2 weeks awake. I’m gonna faint.
I want to find another job
Where they will, pay me more

(Guitar solo - come on Cheryl, play that air guitar!)

This little ditty is dedicated to Amanda Pancake, because of her love for my love of Green Day:

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can’t take this feeling anymore

Actually, put all of the figurative meanings to those lyrics aside and that is how I feel tonight.

MY HEAD HURTS!!! I CAN’T SLEEP BECAUSE I’VE TAKEN 8 EXCEDRIN IN THE LAST 8 HOURS. I’ll be up until the freekin sun comes up. (Excedrin Sunrise)

For the last 3 years, I’ve been getting migraines that are induced by HEAT. I live in TEXAS. Not a good combination. It’s been near 100 degrees every day for the last week and I have been warding off a killer migraine for that long. I know that if I take enough excedrin that it won’t come. I went to Kristen’s practice tonight and I’ve felt awful since then. I guess I’m going to have to go to the doctor and get some of the good stuff.

Uh, oh…here it comes again…

I want a new drug - one that won’t spill.
One that don’t cost too much, or come in a pill.
I want a new drug - one that won’t go away,
One that won’t keep me up all night, one that won’t make me sleep all day.

Good night to all of you people who can SLEEP. Bitches. I’m gonna go watch some Tivo’d Oprah and Dr. Phil if I can find the clicker.